


my tears ricochet

by nyxveuss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Past Abuse, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25932394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyxveuss/pseuds/nyxveuss
Summary: “You could never just be anyone to me,” James replied, voice soft in the silence of the flat.“Then kiss me again,” whispered Regulus.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter, Regulus Black/Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black & James Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 302





	my tears ricochet

Regulus stumbled through the doorway, keys clinking from where they dangled off his finger. His eyes swum with delirium, head still not caught up with what he was doing. To be honestly, Regulus wasn’t completely sure where he’d ended up.

He remembered thinking about going to Sirius’ flat, so he must be there.

_ Anywhere away from  _ him _. _

“Sirius?” a voice called out, and Regulus’ heart stuttered painfully.

It was James.

The Slytherin groaned lightly, before stumbling blearily into the living room. His shoulder slumped into the doorway as he dropped his keys on the counter.

Regulus thought James looked awfully nice under the orange glow of the lamp which sat beside the couch, his glasses slightly skewed and hair ruffled more haphazardly than usual. He didn’t know  _ why _ he thought that, since he’d given up on that crush years ago once he’d met…  _ him _ . (But Regulus never really let go of the Gryffindor, not really, even when he was kissing another guy).

“Reg?”

The Slytherin loved the sound of James’ voice, and not for any obvious reason either. It just sounded nice. Right. Comfortable. Regulus didn’t know, his thoughts weren’t making a lot of sense.

“Reg, you keep zoning out. What’s up?”

The younger boy hummed something like  _ “I don’t know” _ as he went to sit on the other side of the couch. James looked at him more intensely, and Regulus struggled to maintain the eye contact. He kind of wanted to look away, and kind of wanted to look at the golden flecks in his eyes more closely.

“Why’d you come to Sirius’?” questioned James.

Regulus didn’t know how to answer that. He hadn’t been too prepared to explain the situation to anyone. He thought maybe Sirius would understand and not push it. But Sirius wasn’t here. Instead, James Potter was.

“Just wanted to come by,” he replied quietly. His voice sounded empty and slightly croaky from the bruises that circled his throat.

James’ brows furrowed, and Regulus had the sudden urge to press his thumb between them and smooth out the creases in his skin.

“You just wanted to come by?” His tone was incredulous, and Regulus kind of wanted to pout at the suspicion.

“Mhm.”

The Gryffindor sighed, shifting where he sat. He reached out. “Reg, you—”

Regulus hissed when James grabbed his forearm, a stinging pain resonating up to his elbow. He jerked his arm back, hugging it close to his chest before realising what he’d done. 

James’ eyes were blown wide; expression somewhere between alarmed and apologetic.

“Reg—”

“No,” the youngest said firmly.

James frowned. “Reg, what happen—”

He stopped himself when he raised Regulus’ sleeve to expose the kiss of bruises marking up the pale of his wrist. Hazel eyes widened in horror, jaw going slack as he ran a thumb across the purple marks. Regulus attempted drawing his arm back.

“Regulus…”

“It’s fine,” said the Slytherin sharply. He avoided James’ searching eyes, afraid of what he’d find in them.

There was a sigh from the older boy. “Regulus was it… was it  _ him _ ?”

_ Him, him,  _ **_him_ ** _. _ James said  _ him _ , like how Regulus thought it.  _ Him, him,  _ **_him_ ** . Because it wasn’t  _ Damian _ , it was  _ him _ . It wasn’t ‘your boyfriend’, it was  _ him _ . As if James knew. As if he knew Damian had done things bad enough to go from  _ boyfriend _ to  _ him _ .

Regulus’ silence must have meant something to the Gryffindor, since he inhaled sharply.

“Fuc—  _ shit _ , Reg. Did he— what else did he  _ do _ ? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell Sirius?” said James, eyes full of everything that Regulus couldn’t handle at that moment. ( _ Care, sympathy, sorrow. _ )

He started down at the frayed edges of the couch, mouth twitching at the edges. His mind wasn’t in the right state for this. He was half delirious due to the shock of the whole situation, and he was pretty sure that he still hadn’t processed it even happening in the first place. “It’s not that bad, I just… I needed to get away.”

“You shouldn’t have to get away from your  _ boyfriend _ , Reg. Are you gonna break up with him?” questioned James.

“I don’t— I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t  _ know _ , alright James?”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, just— I can’t do this right now—”

“What else did he do to you?”

Regulus finally looked up, silver meeting gold. “James,” he spoke softly, both hating and loving the flicker of a smile that danced across the Gryffindor’s lips. 

James looked so damn  _ perfect _ in that moment, and Regulus half wanted to press his face into the crook of his neck and fall asleep. The warm glow of the lamp painted shadows across one side of his face, outlining the sharp line of his jaw and nose.

“What did he do?” James’ voice was soft and warm.

Regulus hesitated, eyelashes fluttering as he broke their eye contact. “Nothing he hasn’t done before.”

There was silence, before Regulus regretted what he’d said. Immediately, he floundered to correct himself.

“I mean— he didn’t do anything  _ bad _ .”

James looked sad as he interrupted the Slytherin quietly. “Reg…”

“Really, it was my fault. I should have just done what he asked and I don’t even know what I’m doing here—”

“Reg.”

“I should have just had sex with him, I don’t know why I didn’t just say yes—”

“ _ Reg _ .”

“Why do I always have to make everything to  _ difficult _ for everyone? Of course it didn’t matter what  _ I _ wanted, I should have just said yes—”

“Regulus.”

“I mean— that’s what a good boyfriend does, right? They say yes even when they mean no? It doesn’t matter what I want, it only matter what  _ he _ wants so—”

And suddenly there was pressure on his lips; warm and soft. Regulus didn’t know what was happening, but his eyes were closed and his nose was brushing against James’ and—

_ Wait, what? _

He opened his eyes as the pressure pulled back, blinking at James’ face that was much closer than it had been twenty seconds ago. The Gryffindor looked almost as startled as Regulus himself felt. His cheeks were flushed a bright pink and Regulus could almost count all of the boy’s freckles when this close to his face. They both breathed out, hesitant to say anything.

Regulus licked his lips and they didn’t taste like they usually did. James’ eyes followed the movement. “Why did you do that?” the Slytherin whispered.

The older boy blinked owlishly behind his glasses. “Because… because I wanted to.”

“You… wanted to?”

James nodded. “Yeah but um—” He suddenly snapped out of his trance, looking anywhere  _ but _ at Regulus. “Um… I didn’t mean to.  _ Fuck _ , shit— sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“You shouldn’t have what?”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“Why not?”

“Because—” James looked slightly confused. “Because you just got away from an abusive relationship and now I’m—  _ Merlin _ , I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Regulus didn’t really know what to say, but his lips moved anyway. “Can you do it again?”

“Yeah,” James said rushed, before blinking. “Wait  _ what _ ?”

The Slytherin licked his bottom lip again. “Can you do it again?”

“You want me to kiss you… again?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Regulus paused. There was no way to explain the warm glow that James’ lips had ignited in the pit of his belly. The safety, the comfort, the want to just wrap himself in the older boy and sleep.

“Because I… I liked it.” He swallowed. “ _ He _ never kissed me like that.”

James’ eyes were soft, and Regulus wanted to drown in them. “What do you mean?”

“He never kissed me like… like he actually wanted to. It felt like I could be anybody and it wouldn’t change what he felt. He just wanted… wanted the feeling,” said Regulus.

His heart was loud in his chest, pushing at the bones of his rib cage. There was an unexplainable tightness in his throat, a yearning for something. For  _ something _ .

“You could never just be anyone to me,” James replied, voice soft in the silence of the flat.

“Then kiss me again,” whispered Regulus.

This time he watched as James slowly neared, head angling slightly. The Gryffindor’s gaze flickered from Regulus silver eyes, down to his lips and then back to his eyes again. Regulus’ breath hitched when their noses brushed, James’ eyes asking if he was still allowed to kiss him.

_ Is this okay _ ?

Regulus nodded, moving that last inch forward to press their mouths together. He almost sighed at the sensation, his arms going weak as he surrendered to the warmth. James’ lips were warm and soft, pressed gently onto Regulus’ own. They both released shaky breaths as they began moving, James inching closer. A hand was drawn up to Regulus’ cheek, holding his jaw as they kissed, while the other gripped the side of his waist.

The Slytherin moved his own palms up to James’ shoulder, clutching at the fabric of his pyjama shirt. He wanted more, to feel more, to touch more. There was a fire growing in his stomach and his head was blurry with the feeling of James’ lips against his. Everything felt so entirely  _ right _ .

James opened his mouth suddenly, allowing Regulus to follow suit shyly. He was patient in the way he moved, gentle in the way he avoided the bruises around the smaller boy’s neck as he pulled him closer. 

Regulus wondered if this was how kissing was supposed to feel like all the time. If maybe he’d never really done it right.

(  _ If the boys he’d kissed had never done it right. _ )

But there was something undeniably  _ satisfying _ in the way their lips interlocked. Regulus’ body fit under James’ hands like it was made to be right there, made to be held just by the older Gryffindor. There was something caring and careful in the way James pulled Regulus up onto his lap.

The Slytherin gasped as the bruises on his ribs were irritated, mouth opened against James’ as they parted finally. Regulus waited, heaving as he swum in the feeling of comfort that the older boy gave him. Hands were pressed against the small of his back, holding their bodies close.

Finally, his eyes opened slowly to reveal James already looking back, lips parted as he heaved for air. The space between them was warm, noses almost brushing as Regulus leaned his body forward until their chests touched. He could feel James’ abs rising and falling beneath his own stomach, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to touch him. His skin, his hair, his lips.

When he breathed in, he could smell James’ Muggle cologne and recognised it to be one of Sirius’ old ones. It smelled like an old campfire which had been put out by the rain, freshly baked ginger and cinnamon cookies and oolong tea. There was something distinctively  _ not Sirius _ about it, and more earthy than spicy.

(  _ Regulus wondered if that was what he would smell in an Amortentia potion. _ )

“What’s going through that pretty head of yours?” James whispered.

He dragged a finger across Regulus’ forehead, tucking a loose strand of dark hair behind his ear before feeling down the delicate line of his jaw. A trail of warmth was painted as James moved his finger across Regulus’ jaw, down the line of his neck, around the bump of his Adam’s apple and across his collarbones. 

“Nothing,” said Regulus softly. When James quirked a brow inquisitively, he continued. “Just you.”

James smiled, and Regulus smiled back.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while, you know?” said James. “Since your third year, when you caught the snitch for Slytherin in the game against us. You had done it before, plenty of times. But this time was different,” he explained, moving his finger around Regulus’ collarbones and shoulders. “It was raining, and you had almost flown straight into the ground from that dive. You were covered head to toe in mud and you looked a mess but… but you were smiling like I’d never seen you before.”

Regulus tried not to blush, he really did, but a warm flush crept up the skin of his neck and cheeks.

James smiled. “I don’t know why but I just thought… I just thought that all I wanted to do was see you smile like that again.”

“You’re so sappy,” Regulus giggled, leaning forward until his face was pressed into the crook of James’ neck.

“And then you started dating and I felt jealous without knowing why. Why would I be jealous of Regulus Black, you know? Why should I care who he’s snogging?” James chuckled. “It didn’t matter too much… until you got with  _ him _ .”

Regulus inhaled sharply, and James’ hand ran down his side to sooth him. “I hated him so much because I knew what he’d done before. I knew he didn’t deserve an angel like you, I knew you didn’t deserve a monster like him. I was so  _ angry _ that you thought that he was good to you. Sirius knew, and he told me that nothing would happen. Damian wouldn’t try anything with Sirius watching your back.

“And then… then he’s done this. I’m so sorry, Regulus.”

“Don’t,” said Regulus shortly. He pushed himself up to look James in the eye. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was stupid and I coward, I know—”

“You’re  _ not _ ,” James insisted. “You’re the smartest person I know. Even more so than Remus and Lily. You’re— Regulus you’re bloody  _ brilliant _ and it infuriates me that you can’t see it. I wish you could… I wish you could see yourself in my eyes. See how amazing you are.”

“Stop,” Regulus blushed.

James smiled. “No, you need to hear me say it. You’re amazing and intelligent and beautiful and talented and powerful and strong and—”

Regulus laughed, covering James’ mouth with his hand. “Is this what you kissed me for? To tell me this?”

“I kissed you because I… I like you. A lot,” James admitted. “I’ve never liked someone as much as I like you and… maybe this is what love feels like. I don’t know, but I  _ do know _ that I like the feeling.”

“I like you too, James Potter,” whispered Regulus. “I’ve liked you ever since Sirius came rushing home to show me what his  _ new best friend from Hogwarts _ taught him. Sirius hugged me and told me that ‘this is what you do to show people you love them’. And I thought that— that whoever taught Sirius how to do that… to make him so  _ happy _ … I would love too.”

James snorted. “Remus makes Sirius happy too, are you telling me you wanna go snog him too?”

“No!” Regulus laughed. “Remus makes my brother happy in a  _ completely  _ different way. No— no I mean… I mean you gave Sirius a— a  _ meaning _ . You gave a little boy in an abusive house  _ hope _ . And that… I loved you for that since day one.”

There was silence before James spoke up.

“And you said  _ I _ was sappy.”

“Hey!” Regulus exclaimed. 

“Do you wanna rest?” James asked, eyes suddenly going from playful to concerned. “Then we can talk in the morning, yeah?”

The Slytherin hesitated before nodding, and James pressed a kiss between his eyebrows. He rolled off the older boy’s lap so they could rearrange into a sort-of-comfortable position on the plush couch. Regulus ended up lying back on James, his hips between James’ legs.

“G’night,” said the Gryffindor chaser.

Regulus hummed lightly. “Goodnight.”


End file.
